Birth control. This is a difficult subject to write about, because I know my views are controversial. So let me begin by saying, to anyone who reads this post, I am not judging you! Birth control is a very personal issue and I do not presume to know God's will for your life.
What I believe
My Story
The bottom line issue for me is control. When God worked on my heart as a young newlywed, it was all about trust and timing. Ray and I talked about when we wanted to have kids and settled on the "five year" plan. Maybe get a dog first and a house. Ultimately we wanted to be "ready". But in my heart I knew that if we got on birth control, we may never get off. I couldn't imagine a time in the future when I would feel "ready" and I realized that I did not want to decide when we were going to have kids. We put the decision back in God's hands.
We were not always faithful in our trust of God's plan. We used other methods of birth control and held to our dream of the five year plan. But despite ourselves, God blessed us with Brooklyn, 18 short months into our marriage. Her presence absolutely and irrevocably changed the course of our lives. It is amazing to look back over the last six years and see God's hand guiding us down a very different path than the one we set for ourselves.
Even after Brooklyn we were not always faithful about allowing God to dictate when we would have our next child. There were difficult months when I thought for sure we were "ready", but it just wasn't the right time. We sometimes used birth control, because financially we just weren't ready for a second child, and we sometimes tried to get pregnant because we didn't want the kids to be too far apart in age. Again, despite ourselves, it was four years before we got pregnant with Grayson and I am so, so thankful for that time! Hind sight is 20/20 and I wish I could say that my faith was strong throughout that whole time. But now every day I look at my children and know with certainty that God planned it this way. For a time, I felt more confident than ever that we were doing the right thing and that God alone would decide when and if we had more children.
Now baby #3 is on the way. This time we were faithful in not using birth control, but let's face it -- we didn't really have time to be unfaithful! Truthfully, I don't feel any more "ready" for this one than I did the other two, and my confidence is a little shaken. I'm trying to focus on the joy of the blessing and remember that God is in control and He will provide for all three of my beautiful babies. But it's hard knowing that by the world's standards we are very irresponsible, bringing a child into the world when we don't have money, live with our parents, and regularly struggle to pay all our bills. Of course, we are not called to live by the world's standards.
This will also be my third c-section and my doctor's have told me that the risk goes up every time we do this. My pregnancy's tend to be high risk anyway, and now with three kids at home, the stakes are so much higher. So we're thinking about tubal ligation.
By all accounts of logic, this is a good option for us. Financially... physically...this pregnancy even feels like a good punctuation mark on my child bearing years. Three kids! What a wonderful blessing! I am completely okay with this being our family. What's more, I believe in the sovereignty of God. Every time I think of a reason to tie my tubes, I'm reminded of my control issues. It's not about wanting more kids. It's about trusting that God knows us better than we know ourselves and He has plans to care for us.
What's bouncing around in my head
We should be able to rest in His hands and know that whether He has more children in mind for us or not, He is the one in control. But we also know that He gives us medicine and technology and brains to use them wisely. Is this procedure something He is giving us?
Thus, I wrestle.
What I believe
- I absolutely believe that God has given us medicine and technology and brains to make wise decisions about them. So birth control is not in and of itself the problem, but more our uses of it.
- I believe that there is a lot about reproduction that we simply do not and will not ever understand. It would not surprise me to learn that the rampant infertility issues we face as a society can be directly linked to our casual use of birth control, specifically the hormonal kind.
- I believe that God is sovereign and that every single child conceived on this earth is in His plan. In that, I believe children are a blessing and that He will never give us more than we can handle.
My Story
The bottom line issue for me is control. When God worked on my heart as a young newlywed, it was all about trust and timing. Ray and I talked about when we wanted to have kids and settled on the "five year" plan. Maybe get a dog first and a house. Ultimately we wanted to be "ready". But in my heart I knew that if we got on birth control, we may never get off. I couldn't imagine a time in the future when I would feel "ready" and I realized that I did not want to decide when we were going to have kids. We put the decision back in God's hands.
We were not always faithful in our trust of God's plan. We used other methods of birth control and held to our dream of the five year plan. But despite ourselves, God blessed us with Brooklyn, 18 short months into our marriage. Her presence absolutely and irrevocably changed the course of our lives. It is amazing to look back over the last six years and see God's hand guiding us down a very different path than the one we set for ourselves.
Even after Brooklyn we were not always faithful about allowing God to dictate when we would have our next child. There were difficult months when I thought for sure we were "ready", but it just wasn't the right time. We sometimes used birth control, because financially we just weren't ready for a second child, and we sometimes tried to get pregnant because we didn't want the kids to be too far apart in age. Again, despite ourselves, it was four years before we got pregnant with Grayson and I am so, so thankful for that time! Hind sight is 20/20 and I wish I could say that my faith was strong throughout that whole time. But now every day I look at my children and know with certainty that God planned it this way. For a time, I felt more confident than ever that we were doing the right thing and that God alone would decide when and if we had more children.
Now baby #3 is on the way. This time we were faithful in not using birth control, but let's face it -- we didn't really have time to be unfaithful! Truthfully, I don't feel any more "ready" for this one than I did the other two, and my confidence is a little shaken. I'm trying to focus on the joy of the blessing and remember that God is in control and He will provide for all three of my beautiful babies. But it's hard knowing that by the world's standards we are very irresponsible, bringing a child into the world when we don't have money, live with our parents, and regularly struggle to pay all our bills. Of course, we are not called to live by the world's standards.
This will also be my third c-section and my doctor's have told me that the risk goes up every time we do this. My pregnancy's tend to be high risk anyway, and now with three kids at home, the stakes are so much higher. So we're thinking about tubal ligation.
By all accounts of logic, this is a good option for us. Financially... physically...this pregnancy even feels like a good punctuation mark on my child bearing years. Three kids! What a wonderful blessing! I am completely okay with this being our family. What's more, I believe in the sovereignty of God. Every time I think of a reason to tie my tubes, I'm reminded of my control issues. It's not about wanting more kids. It's about trusting that God knows us better than we know ourselves and He has plans to care for us.
What's bouncing around in my head
- Financially, three kids are an expensive handful.
- Don't we trust that God will provide for us?
- Physically, the risks are greater. I want to be around to raise and enjoy my children and their children!
- Doesn't God know that? He has already numbered the days of our lives, and if He chooses to bless us with another child, it will be by His hand that we live or die.
- If He chooses not to give us another child, do we really need a tubal ligation? His will prevails over my womb, whether everything is working or not.
We should be able to rest in His hands and know that whether He has more children in mind for us or not, He is the one in control. But we also know that He gives us medicine and technology and brains to use them wisely. Is this procedure something He is giving us?
Thus, I wrestle.
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