Skip to main content

In Which I Am Discouraged

The following entry may seem scatter brained and a little like an emotional roller coaster as I am sorting through my feelings of discouragement, pride, gratitude, and determination.

I went to bed last night in pain. I woke up this morning in pain. Throughout the day if I do anything in the same position for too long, I find myself stiff and struggling to change. After Madi, I lost the pregnancy weight, but since then have only been able to maintain. I have increased my activity level so that I am doing something every day, whether that is a yoga dvd, walking the kids to the park, or even cleaning something in the house. We are eating 90% of our meals at home, and I am making an effort to include fruits and vegetables at every meal, limit carbs, and chose lean proteins. Sweets and junk food still exist and do make their way into our kitchen, but I am trying to limit them as well. 

I just don't feel good. I feel like my body is broken. I don't like the way I look or feel in my clothes. I have to buy a pair of jeans for the winter (this is the first winter season in two years that I have not been pregnant!) and I'm just dreading it. Madi's tummy hurts so bad (I know it's because of the medicine - which we finish today, finally! - but because I am nursing, I feel like the gassiness is my fault and I wonder if I should switch her to formula). I want to explore healthy options for my family, but I am so overwhelmed by the wealth of information out there that I hardly know where to begin. Should we go gluten free? Dairy free? Organic? 

I am proud of where I've come. Thanks to the accountability of the Hello Mornings Challenge I am more mindful of daily exercise. My natural tendency is to stay home, inside, and curl up with a good book or movie, so I'm really trying to be mindful of getting the kids out in the fresh air and sunshine. Brooklyn and I went to the park for school once. Grayson and I like to walk to our neighborhood playground on our mornings together. 

There are some hormonal things going on as well, thanks to the IUD, I'm sure. I'm hoping things will continue to even out over the next two months so I can do what I intended to do while using it, and that is to focus on eating well and exercising without all the emotional ups and downs of PMS. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

In Which We March On

March comes in a like a lion, what else? Still the snow, never melts! (If you're singing along to Seven Brides...you're right!) Where did that saying come from anyone? I get it. February was so mild, it felt more like spring than winter. Then just before spring actually arrives we get our only significant snow of the season! We had a great overnight snowfall, a real snow day, the kind where everything actually closes (my favorite!). Everything should have closed the next day too because of the winds and the drifts. Downright dangerous! But we made it through, alright. Aside from the weather, March was a whirlwind of activity. Grayson's sixth birthday, Jonah opened at Sight and Sound, Piercing Word/King's Kid's rehearsals, and Ray's birthday all kept me pretty busy. We have one more week to go during which we have Madi's birthday celebration for her preschool class (her birthday is in June - don't ask), Brooklyn's Broadway Studio showcase, our...

In Which I Welcome September

I adore September.  It's not what you're thinking. I'm not a big fan of pumpkin spice anything and I'm not counting down the days until Christmas, but I do love Fall and Winter. True, September 1st is not the start of fall, but it is the beginning of the end of summer.  In September I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The end of the oppressive heat and ever fluctuating vacation schedules. Rhythms return to normal. Apples will soon be out in delicious abundance and yes, pumpkins will turn the world a lovely color of orange. Cooler weather and warmer drinks; September is beautiful and full of promise. 

In Which I Reminisce

We have entered into birthday season and I am lost somewhere along memory lane. This evening I came across this gem from my blog, written five years ago: "Where do you see yourself in five years?  Isn't that a strange question to ponder? My life today is so drastically different from where we were  one  year ago, I can't even begin to imagine what five years might be. Brooklyn will be 11.  ELEVEN!!  Jr high! Puberty!! Grayson will be six, and tiny, newborn Madi will be five. So hard to imagine! I can only hope that Ray will be working steadily as an actor, earning enough to cover our bills, and that I will be coordinating multiple classes and shows for CYT Smyrna which by then will be boasting enrollment numbers in the hundreds and a staff of more than two. I can dream." Well here we are...five years later! Grayson IS six. Brooklyn and Madi are on their way to 11 and 5. Ray IS working full time as an actor, covering our bills, and I am living m...