Skip to main content

In Which I Get A Little Real

I am too depressed to blog. I have dozens of ideas in the back of my mind, even notes that I've put on my phone so I can remember them later. Great things - updates on what we're doing, Halloween and homeschooling conundrums, parenting anecdotes, scripture insights and questions, marriage stuff, and some really great thoughts on art and theater and that whole cultural conversation. But honestly, by the time I get around to actually writing any of them, the pop culture references or holiday season they fall in will probably be irrelevant. 

 Is it possible for postpartum to hit as much as four months after birth? 

 I'm also tired. Even on my best days of great preparation and planning my life seems to move from one interruption to the next. I think I'm getting better at seizing moments, but sometimes I don't know how anything is getting done at all. If it weren't for my smart phone and wi-fi, I don't think I would be in communication with anyone outside my house. 

 When things get quiet, when I start to think ahead to my next task or project or whatever, that's when it hits. A heavy darkness in my heart. I feel physically weighed down. I'm having trouble enjoying myself. On our last date night... the pumpkin patch... and even Boo at the Zoo, it's like I was able to turn it on enough to get through it, but couldn't really relax and have a good time. 

 The kids are happy and healthy. I know when we look back on these times we will remember not only the fun things we did, but enjoying one another as we built memories. I have good people in my life who know what I'm struggling with and are helping me cope. 

 This too shall pass...blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Comments

  1. MelodyNovember 4, 2012 at 5:51 AM

    To answer your question, yes, postpartum can hit 4 months into "it". Praying for you. You are an awesome mother and are raising wonderful children!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Day in Jaime's Homeschool (ages 10, 6, and 4)

Our days in this season of life follow a very relaxed structure. Each day has such very different demands. While I would prefer to go with the flow, whatever that may be, my kids prefer a more defined plan. They like to know what to expect at any given moment. So our daily rhythm falls somewhere between these two extremes.  My day starts between 6:30 and 7:00 AM with coffee and my Bible. I love connecting through Hello Mornings because of its grace based approach to starting my day in submission to the Lord. Through accountability, community, and Bible study I get that flexible structure I need - a big theme in my life right now! My "early riser" (the four year old) will often join me on the couch while I read. My husband makes breakfast while I enjoy a second cup of coffee and supervise morning chores. By 9 AM he is out the door to work (except when he's not...because that would be too easy.) At this point I give my kids a warning that we will start our school day at 9...
2 comments
Read more

In Which We Are Three Weeks In

Wow. Three weeks old. Hard to believe. After my fluid pockets were drained, I felt a thousand times better and I sort of forgot exactly how bruised and battered my body still is. I may be feeling better, but I still hurt and need to take it easy. I actually think I'm doing pretty good finding that balance between resting and getting things done. Today I'm getting laundry done (with much help from mom and Ray!). My greatest challenge right now is eating (big surprise). I am making good choices, but I don't think I'm eating enough, considering that I am nursing and rebuilding and healing abdominal muscles. So that's me. The kids are doing well. I have to remember that they are still adjusting too. Grayson had a short night terror last night. I sat downstairs holding the monitor and cried right along with him. Brooklyn is sleeping with my mom while dad is out of town. I know we're going to pay for that later! Madi has decided she would prefer to sleep in someon...
Post a Comment
Read more

In Which I See Myself in Brooklyn

Last Monday night I had to do a terrible thing to Brooklyn.  It's so terrible, both Brooklyn and I avoid it for as long as we possibly can. I had to cut her finger and toe nails.  I don't like cutting nails ever, under any circumstances, but Brooklyn loathes it entirely! She is terrified that I'm going to cut her finger off or hurt somehow. She used to have to be held down so she couldn't jerk away. Now that she's older she has a bit more self-control, but she still whimpers and whines throughout the whole procedure. Miserable!   I have never cut her too deep. I am extremely careful and gentle with her. She has never experienced even the slightest pain with my behind the clippers. I finally said to her one day, "Brooklyn, I have never hurt you! Don't you trust me?"  She said, crying, "No!" Well, last night, she managed to keep her hands still but talked the entire time about how she was nervous and kept squinting her eyes, just in ca...
Post a Comment
Read more