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In Which I Am Discouraged

The following entry may seem scatter brained and a little like an emotional roller coaster as I am sorting through my feelings of discouragement, pride, gratitude, and determination.

I went to bed last night in pain. I woke up this morning in pain. Throughout the day if I do anything in the same position for too long, I find myself stiff and struggling to change. After Madi, I lost the pregnancy weight, but since then have only been able to maintain. I have increased my activity level so that I am doing something every day, whether that is a yoga dvd, walking the kids to the park, or even cleaning something in the house. We are eating 90% of our meals at home, and I am making an effort to include fruits and vegetables at every meal, limit carbs, and chose lean proteins. Sweets and junk food still exist and do make their way into our kitchen, but I am trying to limit them as well. 

I just don't feel good. I feel like my body is broken. I don't like the way I look or feel in my clothes. I have to buy a pair of jeans for the winter (this is the first winter season in two years that I have not been pregnant!) and I'm just dreading it. Madi's tummy hurts so bad (I know it's because of the medicine - which we finish today, finally! - but because I am nursing, I feel like the gassiness is my fault and I wonder if I should switch her to formula). I want to explore healthy options for my family, but I am so overwhelmed by the wealth of information out there that I hardly know where to begin. Should we go gluten free? Dairy free? Organic? 

I am proud of where I've come. Thanks to the accountability of the Hello Mornings Challenge I am more mindful of daily exercise. My natural tendency is to stay home, inside, and curl up with a good book or movie, so I'm really trying to be mindful of getting the kids out in the fresh air and sunshine. Brooklyn and I went to the park for school once. Grayson and I like to walk to our neighborhood playground on our mornings together. 

There are some hormonal things going on as well, thanks to the IUD, I'm sure. I'm hoping things will continue to even out over the next two months so I can do what I intended to do while using it, and that is to focus on eating well and exercising without all the emotional ups and downs of PMS. 

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