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In Which I Make a Decision and Look Ahead

Where do you see yourself in five years?  Isn't that a strange question to ponder? My life today is so drastically different from where we were one year ago, I can't even begin to imagine what five years might be. Brooklyn will be 11. ELEVEN!! Jr high! Puberty!! Grayson will be six, and tiny, newborn Madi will be five. So hard to imagine! I can only hope that Ray will be working steadily as an actor, earning enough to cover our bills, and that I will be coordinating multiple classes and shows for CYT Smyrna which by then will be boasting enrollment numbers in the hundreds and a staff of more than two. I can dream. 


Why am I looking so far ahead? An excellent question. Today was my six week postpartum checkup. In some ways it is hard to believe it's only been six weeks! Anyway, the doctor gave me a clean bill of health and the nurse had nice things to say about how good I'm looking, which, even though I know it's a stretch is still nice for a recently pregnant woman to hear! 


But the big topic of discussion was birth control, a subject I am not altogether comfortable with. My feeling is, in a nutshell, that we simply do not understand enough about the mystery that is conceiving and giving life. I can't help but wonder if, in our attempts to control the process, we end up hurting ourselves and causing more problems than we mean to. Having said this, I also know that I have PCOS, and while this is ultimately controlled by lifestyle (which I am learning about and working on) there are some hormonal things going on that birth control can help regulate. So, long story short, we have decided to use birth control, at least for the time being. After talking to my doctor about the various options and considering all the factors, I have chosen the IUD Mirena. Mirena is effective for five years, so barring complications, we will not be discussing children for another five years. 


I'm a little nervous because of the potential side effects, but I am trusting that it is for the best. With Brooklyn and Grayson I knew in my heart that we were not finished. But with Madi I've alwys felt that she could be the little exclamation point, completing our family. But who knows? Maybe in five years we'll find out she is a semi colon!

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