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In Which I Grumble My Way to Rejoicing.

My emotions...the destructive, lying ones...are running rampant.  I am overwhelmed and discouraged.  


Last week I felt so incredibly insignificant as it felt like any little question or concern that might need my attention was easily handled by someone else.  The only person whom I felt genuinely needed me, was Grayson.  Now as we consider the next step in this journey of faith, I think God is taking that away from me as well, reminding me to lean on Him and take my satisfaction in my identity with Christ.


I was just getting comfortable with the idea of being a stay at home mom and excited by all the ways I could make our home what God wanted it to be.  And therein lies the rub...I, me, my plans, my idea of what life should look like.  So, God gave me a reminder in the form of a possible full time job (I interviewed and applied today. So far it looks like a good fit, but we shall see). I want the job because it would meet a need for my family (The fact that it would validate me in an area that I have been hurt in would feel pretty good too).   I don't want the job because I want to be with my kids and supporting Ray.  


But God is the author and provider.  He will teach us to bring Him glory regardless of what the day to day looks like.  


Moreover, He asks us to trust him on a DAILY basis. When I looked forward to 2011, everything felt so tranquil.  It was shaping up to be such a good year.  Now, about half way through it, everything is so different (good, just not at all what I expected it to look like)! But God has been delightfully consistent, frequently providing for us before we knew we needed it. Now I think He's inviting me to a deeper level of trust and intimacy.


So rather than spend anxious nights considering what our life is going to look like if I'm working full time and Ray is home, or wondering how I am ever going to pump enough to satisfy Grayson's substantial hunger, or missing all these activities that Brooklyn is going to be involved in...I need to focus on being obedient today.  


TODAY my job is to...  God holds tomorrow in His hands, and that needs to be enough.      

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