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In Which I Am Weak Yet Strong

Whew. 

That's just about all I have in me at this moment. Just a tired yet contented sigh. We are about halfway through our second full day of school. To date we have logged about 45 days. Field trips, camps, workshops, and historical readings throughout the summer mean that we are in great shape at the start of our year. Tuesday marked, not so much our first day of school, but our first day diving into our full time fall term schedule. The one where we make formal education the priority of our day, including pre-school two days a week. 

We made the decision to homeschool back in March. That's when I started dreaming and planning. Over the last five months I have planned and prepared and freaked out and planned more. Then I had a reality check and planned less, raised hope, lowered expectations and then raised and lowered them again. Some necessary refurbishment of our home threw the house into chaos the last two weeks of August, and naturally it took longer than anticipated to complete.  Not a big deal, but it meant that the days I intended to spend polishing and refining curriculum, creating manipulatives, and resting up before the big dive were instead spent organizing furniture into rooms so that we could walk around without bumping into boxes.  We also threw in a two day visit to the Smithsonian museums and monuments in DC over Labor Day.  (That part was always in the plan, but the construction made even a short trip that much more stressful.) 

Coming home it was nose to the grindstone, working hard to get things situated. I praised the Lord for the three or four days of rain and thunder because it meant I could work diligently on our rooms without feeling guilty about not taking the kids outside to play!  The Monday before school started was busy and at that point all the chaos and work started to wear on me. On top of this, my oldest was struggling with some major sleep anxiety and was using me as her lovey. So I approached our first day of school frazzled, drained, sleep deprived, and a little bit anxious. So much work had gone into these two days, taking this step. Was it too much? Worse, was it not enough?  

Our first day was so smooth. Not in a "everything was perfect, you are so great, Jaime" kind of way. But in a "God's got this. Relax." kind of way. I am convinced that God allowed me to start our year tired and weak as a reminder to lean on Him. Our school is not about curriculum or skills. It's not about making lists and checking them off. It's about shepherding these children. Pouring out God's love into their lives. Discipleship. 

Staring week two in the face I know two things. First, I will continue to make lists and plans (because this is from the Lord too!) but our school will not be ruled or defined by them. Second, I am weak and cannot carry this task to completion by myself. But as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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